The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urban locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while review feeling all those exciting triggers!

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